I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Randomize
