Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
