Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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