Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
