oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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