I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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