My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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