Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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