wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
