three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Too much gin, very little bucket
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I just forgot I was standing up.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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