I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
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