so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
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