My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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