He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
