I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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