Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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