the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
