I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Semen is not good for contacts.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Randomize
