It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
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