Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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