you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Randomize
