Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
