Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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