oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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