i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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