a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Randomize
