wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
