Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
