ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
