I wanna bring you to show and tell
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
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