Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
