bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Randomize
