I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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