So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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