Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
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