Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Randomize
