ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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