Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
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