when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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