i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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