So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Randomize
