Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
