if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
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