I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
