Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
