So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
