My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
