i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
