My nipple is on Facebook.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
