The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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