we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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