Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
