i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I am never drinking with the goths again.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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