So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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